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02:40am 27/01/2008
  These are the drunken ramblings of an emotional, pissed of boy:

Why are boys so stupid?!?!  I mean, really.  Why do they say things that they never really mean.  And why do they make gestures that seem all grandiose and meaningful, but are really just meaningless.  WHY!?!

So this boy, Cody, sent my flowers.  But not just any flowers-lillies.  See-we were talking about sending flowers or something one night and about this movie where they say that lillies mean "i dare you to love me."  So then Cody says he would send me lillies.  And I was all "really?" And, low and behold, I recieve lillies from him a mere two days later.  However, he won't tell me exactly WHAT the sending of said lillies meant.  And last night we were gonna talk about it...but didnt.  And tonite we were going to...but didnt.  And I'm pretty sure that he is into another boy he met tonight...

And I hate boys.
Stupid boys.
Stupid me for forgetting that boys are stupid and disapointing and for getting my hopes up about this one.
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He makes me smile.   
09:56pm 07/10/2007
  So I really think I like this guy.

His name is Robert.  We met a couple of times before we actually went on a date.  First at the TPS dance and then at the club.  Then he asked me to "hang out" with him so of course I agreed.  He picked me up and we drove around for a while.  It was really nice.  We totally clicked, as in lots of the witty reparte.  It was amazing in so many ways.  Then we were very Madison and walked on State St, ate dinner, and sat on the piers by the Terrace.  We held hands and I told the story of Casseopeia.

So we were holding hands and like resting them on my thigh and he let go to check his cell and so I moved my hand up to my chest.  Then he went to grab my hand again and like accidently put his hand down my pants.  At which point he freaked out and rolled away totally embarassed.  So, being the person that I am, I rolled on him, straddling him, and said "well if that's what you wanted, all you had to do was ask."  Obviously I was joking.  He was so embarassed, it was adorable.  Then we kissed.  And it was good.  Then we made out.  And again behind the library.

THEN there was some drama.  As in apparently he and his ex boyfriend were something other than ex.  And I was really upset as I was talking to BOTH of them when they were sitting like five feet apart and I didn't know.  So I signed off and went out to Bascom and just sat on the hill by myself.  And Robert called.  He called and came and I got in his car and we drove around for hours.  He tried to explain everything.  And it didn't really make sense, but I told him to call me when he knew what he wanted.

And then he did.  Well he texted me and said "im single now."  And we went on another.  And then just last week (third date) we went to his house and watched a movie and we just cuddled.  And afterwards we kissed and...more.  Not sex, but...let's just say that title song on the DVD played quite a few times before we were done.

He's transfering to MKE in the spring though.  But...I'm not one to let that bother me.  Why forsake being happy right now just because it isnt forever?  And he makes me smile.


"But you can say baby, baby can I hold you tonight?  Maybe if I told you the right words at the right time you'd be mine."
On Wisconsin!   
05:48pm 03/10/2007
  There is really no particular reason that I've decided, once again, to begin writing in here.  Other than sitting at work with nothing to do I guess.  Not that this necessarily means I'll really be writing in here all the time...after all, many a time have I said that I was going to...and yet never continue.  But you never know, right? 

The end of summer was amazing.  This has honestly been the best summer ever, no contest!  Between going to Kasey's Cabin and hanging out with Alex, I definitely got some party in.  I spent an amazing amount of time with all the people that I got so close to throughout high school.  I even fucking DROVE to Los Angeles.  That';s right!  Corinne, Dan, Shantelle and I drove in a CRV with no A/C to Tucson and to LA.  Sufficed to say...it was fabulous.  I am in love with California.

Saying goodbye was hard.  Really hard.  Even if it wasn't really goodbye...it's hard to confront the fact that these amazing friendships that shaped me so much were chaning, even if they weren't ending.  Waving Maya goodbye as she headed off to Boston was harder than I ever imagined.  I'm pretty sure Dan and I were beyond hideous.  Getting the radio to play "I Will Remember You" as we stood in the parking lot on my last night was pretty amazing though.  And I sobbed harder than I thought possible when I had to say goodbye that night.  And then I got to sleep about four hours before I had to wake up.  I've been able to stay in contact with a lot of people from Germantown and that really makes me happy.  I really believe that some of those friends are forever.  

College, however, has been a blast.  Between the amazing people I've met, the amazing classes I'm taking and the amazing parties I've been to, everything is...well, amazing.  Some minor drama existed (still exists-I really don't know), but I guess that has to be expected to a degree.  Nonetheless, days and nights spent with these people have been so fabulous.  I honestly have more guy friends now that I have had probably in the whole of my life.  Given, they are gay, but it's still strange to me to have so many guy friends.  Or to be around this amount of other gay guys actually.  It's a totally new experience.

I already feel like I've changed too.  It's strange.  I mean, a lot of the old me is still preserved.  I'd venture to say just about all of the old me is still here, but I feel like I've almost developed another identity.  One in which I can spend the day discussing homosexuality in 19th century French Literature, have lunch with Justin on State St and working out with Will, Pete, Alex or Michael during the day...and then go out to socialize, party, flirt and dance all night.

My dorm is fine, but I feel like it's mostly storage space.  I end up spending just as much, if not MORE time sleeping in Alex's bed/futon, on Will's bed/futon or in Michael and Pete's apartment.  Not in THAT way.

I even have a romance in my life.

I went home this weekend to visit Corinne for her birthday.  Before I went to Milwaukee though, I went back to Germantown.  It was so strange.  Being back there in that village with those streets and my apartment.  So strange.  It was really great to see Dan, Shantelle and Corinne though.  It's good to know that some people you will always have in your life.


"Make it a date.  Tell me when and I'll say that sure as life will end I'll love you ever and after.  I'll love you ever and after.  Let's both run away.  We'll find a place to live where we'll stay.  We'll make a better way.  I'll love you ever and after.  Our love can make disaster fade away."
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11:53pm 18/07/2007
mood: hopeful
Oh livejournal, how could I have forsaken you so?

There was my dramatic moment of the...hour.  I suppose.

Summer is lovely, isn't it?  I have just been having such an absolutely amazing time.  I can't seem to pinpoint just why that is.  It for sure isn't the working.  It could be the college anticipation.  It is likely to be all of the new friends I've made and friends I've reconnected with.  It is not the looming factor of parting ways with my oldest and bestest friends.  It might be the beach.  It probably has to do with parties and trips.  Not so much for the being single, but maybe a little for the romantic intrigue.  Even if I still can't tell if it is going anywhere at all.

My classes are going to kick ass next year.  Even if Intro to Acting and Intro to Journ were both full...I'll just take them second semester.
And when I get back, I'll be parlevousing me some French.  Classy.

And now to sleep and to work tomorrow.  Maybe I'll call that romantic intrigue and see what he's up to tomorrow evening...


"You have got to have the bluest eyes I've ever seen and when I wake from dreaming, I am screaming out your name."
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Lest faith turn to dispair   
02:19pm 01/04/2007

Sarah and I realized that we have been together EVERY DAY for almost a month.  Oh, Sarah.

Lots of fun this weekend.  Failed attempts at creating a rollerblade gang, etc.  I got this awesome old vinyl of the music from Breakfast At Tiffany's!  I was way beyond excited.  Saw R&J last night.  It was alright.  Shantelle was lovely and the Juliet was good as well.  The audience hated us though.  Out not-so-subtle attempts to hook up Sarah and Eric seem to be working.  God willing.

I got like no grant money from Madison.  I hate not having money and it seems that this is a cycle that will only continue.  Which of course doesn't defuel my need to shop.  Why did I get cursed with a love of clothing and no money?

Funny Girl was on this morning when I woke up.  I love Funny Girl...


"Don't tell me not to live, just sit and putter.  Life's candy, the sun's a ball of butter.  Don't send around a cloud to rain on my parade."

02:46pm 18/03/2007
mood: chipper
Wow, I fail at updating.  That's okay, I'm really not too upset about it.

Last night was offically my last performance with Dramatic Impact EVER.  It was sad.  Sarah Pearson made me cry and I had to redo my make-up.  Damn her.  It went relaly well, though.  There was a lot of hugging and memories and such things.  I kept fanning my eyes and telling people to cut it out.

The cast part was, per usual, amazing.  When is a cast party ever not?  Honestly.

I wish certain people would answer their damn phones though.


"I can't believe this is goodbye."
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Cupid's on his way...   
02:53pm 10/02/2007
mood: cheerful
We're on the verge of my favorite holiday.

Seriously, I love Valentine's Day.  I love the legends and the traditions and the fun.  I also dearly love the people who hate Valentine's Day and complain about it.  They make me giggle inside too.  

I was told today that having Valentine's Day as my favorite holiday and not having had a boy for it is weird.  Ya know what I say to that?

"Haha, yeah.  Probably."


"Like a blade of corn, like a honeybee, like a waterfall-all a part of me.  Like the color purple, where do it come from?"
Fools Will Be Fools   
05:47pm 21/01/2007
mood: cheerful
This was one amazing week/weekend.

Seriously, like amazing as hell.  On Friday I visited poor post-op Corinne and got in some Corinne/Kasey time.  Then Amanda and I went downtown for coffee and dinner and dessert.  So, OF COURSE, that was amazingly fun.  Especially singing to Britney Spears (Crazy) at Starbucks!!!  Then Dan and I watched Wong Foo and planned the drag partay haha.

Saturday was just plain awesome.  Shantelle and I watched a movie in the afternoon and then we took a nap.  Dan came and joined us in bed after he got off of work.  It was very Threesome, and I was the crazy drama student haha.  Then we went Goodwill shopping for camp stuff.  Followed by a trip to PickNSave cause we MADE OUR DINNER.  That's right, folks, I COOKED.  Our menu was: fancy mac and cheese, cheesey scallop potatoes, cheesey chicken enchilada and rice and a dessert of chocolate lava cakes with sparkling grape juice and Shirley Temples.  Then we watched movies.

Today Shantelle and I played in the lovely, wonderful snow.

And Mike still hasn't called.


"The stars have lost their glitter and all because of the man that got away..."
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12:26am 13/01/2007
mood: cheerful

Wow, I fail at updating.  Whatever-life's been way busy.  BUT, two very big and good announcements.


#2. I FINALLY GOT A CELL PHONE! Number is 262 305 8638.  The land line will be gone soon so get that one in your phones or whatever.  Send me your number in case too, haha.  As I may or may not know it by heart.

Corinne and I reminisced about Fiddler today.  Le sigh.
That's all.


"It gives us something to drink about...and breakfast at Tiffany's..."

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Baby it's cold outside   
03:08pm 28/12/2006
mood: calm
It has been an absolutely lovely holiday.

Lots of entertainment provided by my family. Those crazy Italians sure know how to celebrate! The first annual Sodomia was fun as well haha. Yay for gay!

Corinne and I went into major shopping mode yesterday. I now have TONS of amazing clothes. Yay for shopping. What a great natural high.

Had a Shanthorinne night last night. Free food compliments of Brittany Kolarik at Pizza Hut. Haha, and a cup of Pepsi compliments of CORINNE THE CLEPTO! Watched Little Miss Sunshine and Titanic and ate Fruit Pops.

I stayed at Shantelle's one night and we did our traditional Tarot readings for our love lives. Apparently, although mine sucks now, it will all work out. I sure hope so.


"I am a dreamer and when I wake you can't break my spirit-it's my dreams you take."
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12:59pm 23/12/2006
  Finally, Winter Holiday is upon us. Thank God, I am so tired of school. I honestly wish I could just graduate now. Except I'd miss theatre and seeing people.

Yesterday was pretty amazing. Maya, Dan and I hung out here for a while. Amanda and Alycia joined as well. We all stuffed ourselves beyond belief at Chili's. Can you say orgasm cake? Then watched Brokeback Mountain and played with the little electronic 20 Questions game. It's a genius!

Alycia and I drove to the East Side and saw The History Boys at the Downer. AMAZING MOVIE. Sadish ending though.

Par-tay at Ritz's today, haha.
I'm so glad that Amanda's home!


"I bet this is what Jesus tastes like."
"Why dont you ask Mary Magdalene?"
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Tarts and Vicars   
02:25pm 17/12/2006
  Everything is just so festive, recently. Christmas celebration with friends of the family. Saw the Nutcracker with my nonna and baked cookies for Christmas. Kasey's holiday party. Unfortunately, however, no snow. There really should be some. I could do with a nice blanket of white.

My butt still hurts from falling down the stairs at Kasey's...
Ya know, I think I somehow injure myself most times that I am at that house. Such as falling off of the counter.
I'm never going to live down the stairs though.


"Just as you are? Not thinner? Not cleverer? Not with slightly bigger breasts or a slighly smaller nose?"
What do you want it to be?   
10:32pm 10/12/2006
  Yesterday was a nice night. Dinner with Dan. Lots of good talk. Movie with Shantelle and Corinne. Fun as well.

Saw my family today for my cousin's 8th birthday. Basically lots of Italians eating and talking a lot. Good food. Then watched Pretty Woman with Shantelle.

I'm kind of sad right now though. I hate not being able to just move on. Normally I'm really good at it, too. So why is it so hard?

Oh well. I get to see Amanda on Wednesday. That makes me turn off the bathtub water.


"She rescued him right back."
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Goodie bag!   
11:47pm 08/12/2006
mood: chipper
I love theatre alums.

Alycia and I hung out tonight. We got coffee and pondered love and London. Followed by fast chinese food. Then we saw The Holiday. SOOOOOOO GOOD! Seriously amazing.

Then to the porn store haha. Since I'm 18. She bought me a surprise bag for my birthday.

Tomorrow would have been so much better if he wasn't a jerk.

Oh well.


"Corny is just what I need in my life."
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08:54pm 07/12/2006
mood: "w;ajkehgba" about covers it
Missing class to perform the children's show. Yay for elementary school kids who see our performances during class. They just keep getting smaller and smaller.

CHICOS CHUPAN! Ugh. Stupid boys and their stupid suckyness. I'm too tired to use any more creative language. So, boys suck it is.

Whatever, Alainna and I are gonna have a blast and a half tomorrow. We can hate boys together.


"You must not know bout me, you must not know bout me. I could have another you in a minute."
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Frosting in my hair...   
01:02pm 03/12/2006
mood: chipper
Yesterday was a very good day.

Alainna and I went to sing carols at the Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony at Village Hall. We had coffee. Went to Mayfair and had my left cartilage pierced. I'm very happy with it.

Then I got very pale for the show. Cris said, "wow, you actually look Caucasian." Performed, fun, etc. Then we went to get movies to watch at Kasey's. When we got there Tina was overjoyed to have me see the bartops...and in the basement everyone popped out. Surprise partay for me. YAY.

I love my friends.

After everyone left, we watched movies. Jenni and I felt sad and alone at the end of Hercules when he and Meg end up all happy-like. So we ate our feelings. Yum, feelings. Someone recently told me that you don't really have to need or want a boyfriend...

Then again...the person who said that currently has a boyfriend.

I really do love my friends, though.


"I won't stand by you, I won't stand by you. I'll let everyone hurt you, I won't stand by yooou."
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P to the R to the N to the CESS   
11:38am 02/12/2006
mood: chipper
So, I sort of dramatized the whole getting older thing. Not that any of you were surprised by that, I'm sure. Thanks to everyone for a fabulous birthday (or as Kasey would say "nothing-special-at-all" day). Brianne got me a three pound box of chocolates. She really does know me well, haha.

Well, yesterday was a SNOW DAY! So the shows were canceled, but that's okay because it was one amazing day. After Shantelle and I drove to get Corinne and Dan...I was kind of a ditz. I def was gonna do a y-turn to get off of Dan's street and then...I pulled into a ditch. So, Dan's dad towed me out...yeah. That's okay. Pizza, hot chocolate, movies and amazing friends heal all wounds.

Sadly, we didn't get to go to the club for our cast party like we wanted...but we're totally going next Friday.

Leading carols at the Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony at Village Hall today. Wow...that makes Germantown sound so quaint. Last performance of Sunday Tea tonight and the first of Trolls. Should be...interesting, to say the least.

I sew way too damn much for theatre. My current title actor/director/costumer all at once. Quite literally at times.


"Well, pumpkins, sometimes it just takes a fairy."
Age box to age box...   
09:43pm 29/11/2006
mood: complacent
I can't believe I'm going to be 18 tomorrow. In two and a half hours, it will officially be my eighteenth birthday...

Of course, I will be spending it backstage sewing. Of course.


I wish...I wish I had that special guy to share this milestone with, ya know? That's my birthday wish. That special guy who cares. Who'd maybe send me flowers or show up at rehearsal (which I will be at tomorrow night on my birthday) and sweep me off my feet. Who'd maybe even love me. That's my birthday wish.


"Courage of a dreamer, the innocence of youth. The failures and the foolishness that lead us to the truth."
10:29pm 28/11/2006
mood: gloomy
So life sometimes makes me sad.

The children's show is NOT going as well as it should be. If I see another costume I will scream. I have a million more to do.

I am seriously lacking sleep and coffee.

My family sucks a lot. Seriously.

Boys confuse me. A lot. They just really, really do.

The best part of my day was the fact that they had white daisies (my favorites) at Pick N Save, so I bought myself a boquet. The best part was when I bought myself flowers...


"This is a song for the lonely, can you hear me tonight? For the broken hearted, battle scared..."
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Happy Post-Thanksgiving Sale/Shopping Day   
01:36pm 24/11/2006
mood: tired
I've just returned from a post-thanksgiving shopping extravaganza. As in, I woke up at 4 AM! 4 AM! ME! Shantelle, Corinne and I were shopping (and I do mean as in dancing through the parking lots) by 515. We hit Best Buy, Kohls, Target, Michaels and the entire mall. Yay shopping. Yay sales.

I'm tired. Bored too. Hope you all had lovely thanksgivings.


"I want her to look beautiful when mama meets Jesus tonight...HAHA."
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